I'm going on vacation and I feel like a jerk! 🏝️

An experiment is underway... Can I really "rest" on vacation? What does vacation mean to you?

❗Exclusive October Discount Offer at the Bottom of Today’s Post❗

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I am the worst vacationer.

No, seriously. The worst.

I have used family “vacations” as an excuse to sit in various coffee shops and work on homework, redo my resume and apply to internships and jobs, write stories and essays, revamp my social and work profiles, update my calendar… Literally anything but rest and have fun, which are the professed purposes of most vacations.

And that’s exactly what I’ve always wanted to do. I’m not exaggerating; on most vacations, my family goes to the beach and I (not a beach gal) will hang out anywhere but oceanside.

This trip is to Hawaii. I’ve never been to Hawaii before and my mom has prepared tons of fun, active plans for us, so I’m extra excited.

I’ve decided that this is the vacation on which I’ll finally try the “rest” experiment. I know that I’ll be miserable if I completely abandon Substack and novel writing, since those parts of my “work” are genuinely energizing to me. (I just love writing so much… Oops!)

However, for one whole week (🫣), I’m going to limit my work time AND avoid working on any of my client projects. I’m going to try to focus on having fun with my family, resting, enjoying the beautiful weather, and only writing when I want to and I’m excited to.

I’m terrified.

I truly hate the feeling that I’m “wasting” precious work time. I always have. That’s what’s made it so hard for me to prevent my writing from overrunning my time off. When I’m not writing/working, I’m thinking about how I should be!

What’s funny, though, is that I wouldn’t call myself a workaholic. I know, I know. Most addicts don’t want to admit they’re addicts, and the first step to healing is admittance.

But I mean it! I used to have an 8-5 job, and I never took work home. I completely shut off from work once I left the office. Sure, sometimes I stressed at home over a difficult work situation, but I was pretty good at using my time off to rest… and get some house chores done, of course. 😂

It’s the “here’s a pile of things to do, do them at your own pace, and your success depends on it” type of work that turns me into a workaholic. This was evident when I was in high school and had projects to accomplish, when I was in college and had tests to study for, and now, when my career success is determined in large part by my focus, consistency, and hard work.

And yes, I’m aware that you can’t perform your best if you’re constantly performing. I know that rest isn’t just important, but vital. That doesn’t stop my OCD-diagnosed brain from going wild over whether I’m “doing enough.”

I also tend to feel like I don’t “deserve” a vacation. Even if I know I’ve worked really hard for an extended period of time, I convince myself that I still haven’t done enough to earn some days off. I think of all the people around the world who don’t get time off, who don’t have the money for a fancy trip, who have lives that are so much harder than mine…

Then I feel guilty for taking a vacation, even if I’m only going because my loving parents are generously bringing me along.

I’m not sure whether I’ll be able to stick to my vacationing goals this week, but I’m going to try! I’ll update you guys when I get back.

What are your tips for compartmentalizing remote work? I’ll try them out this week and let you know how it goes.

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