Loneliness is an epidemic. Whether you know it or not, it's affecting you.
What we can do to combat loneliness, especially as remote workers in the digital age.
Loneliness is an epidemic. Whether you’re one of the 30% of Americans who admits they’ve felt lonely in the past week, one of the 10% claiming loneliness every day, or you rarely feel lonely yourself, the rampant loneliness in today’s world impacts you more than you realize.
Considering the increase in social media usage, phone call capabilities, and other forms of Internet communication (such as email), it seems odd that loneliness is on the rise. Traveling has also never been easier - today, you can get on a plane, train, or boat and visit friends that it would’ve been nearly impossible to connect with just two centuries ago.
So why are we getting lonelier?
For one, social media often leads to comparison, feelings of missing out, and more surface-level relationships. When we spend more time and energy on our digital relationships, we often spend less time and energy on our face-to-face relationships. It’s as if we think (or even hope) we can “replace” real-world relationships with social media.
And frankly, this makes sense. As humans, we tend to take the path of least resistance, and it’s far easier to create and maintain digital relationships than face-to-face ones. There are a few reasons for this. You can think about everything you want to say before you say it, you can pick and choose who to associate with online, you can abandon relationships that bore you or require too much work (with little to no repercussions), and you don’t have to readjust your schedule to meet with friends or go out of your way to serve others.
Thus, most digital relationships can be summed up like this: You don’t have to put much into them, so you don’t get much out of them.
What can we do, then, to avoid surface-level connections and feelings of loneliness?
I’m not saying that social media is all bad. Heck, Substack itself is essentially a social media platform for writers, and I feel as though I have deeper, more genuine connections on here than on social media platforms I’ve been on for many years. I also love being able to keep up with my friends in other countries with Instagram, Snapchat, and WhatsApp, all of which are only possible because of the modern digital age.
What I am saying is that my digital relationships simply cannot replace face-to-face friendships.
They just can’t, and I can prove it.
When you’re 90 years old and nearing the end of your life, your social media friends probably aren’t the ones who will help your aged spouse clean your house. Your social media friends probably won’t be beside your hospital bed in your final days. Your social media friends probably won’t be praying over you, cooking meals for you, and checking in on you.
Your family and your close friends will be - the friends you’ve poured into deep relationships with, who you know intimately, and who you yourself have served during their times of joy and suffering.
On a practical note, I am simply a more productive worker when I have in-person writer friends that push me in my remote writing. If you don’t know where to find fellow remote workers near you, Google search co-working or writing groups in your area! Join a group and make some in-person buds that will hold you accountable in your work.
I am also a better person when I have in-person friends that challenge me and tell me hard truths, even when I don’t want to hear them.
So, whether or not this is a hard truth for you, please hear me: you need real connections!
If you don’t know where to find like-minded friends, try the following:
If you’re religious, get involved at your local religious institution, especially with whatever program(s) they have for people in your age group/life stage. Meeting regularly with like-minded people is good for both your spiritual growth and your social life.
Join a club or take a class for something you’re interested in, like a book or movie club, pottery or drawing class, photography club, hiking club, camping group, knitting club… The list goes on. Ask yourself what you like to do for fun and then find a group that does just that! Making new friends who share your interests gives you a built-in set of activities for those early parts of your friendship when hanging out isn’t quite so natural.
If you’re really into raising your dog, cat, or kid (not that those are the same, but you catch my drift 😂), go to the dog park, attend a Mommy & Me play group with your baby, etc. Meeting friends in a similar life stage to you is always a good idea; that way, you don’t have to feel like you’re walking through life alone.
If you’re in school, get involved with clubs/programs you’re interested in. If you’re an introvert, I see you, but you can do this! Put yourself out there a little bit and make some new friends. It’s so essential to your happiness.
If you’re in the day job world, be the coworker that you would want to have. Be kind to the people around you and try to spend more time with those coworkers who you connect with well and want to see more of outside of work.
If you’re crazy outgoing like me (😂), remember that it’s okay to chat with people at a coffee shop and in a bookstore! You never know who might be your longtime best friend (or life partner… Ha!). This isn’t for everyone, of course, but remember that the worst thing that can happen is you try to talk to someone and they think you’re weird for it. That’s whatever, though - if you don’t connect, you never have to see them again!
Loneliness is a crisis that, if you’re not feeling directly, is hurting so many of your friends and family. It contributes to depression and accompanies higher rates of self-harm and suicide.
So, check in on your loved ones.
I know you’re busy, but make time for friendships.
Love others well. Know your friends deeply. Live fully.
You only have one life on this planet.
So make it count.
I find that the real problems with loneliness are not a reliance on social media, not the indifference of family members, not necessarily shyness either but the reluctance to do anything about it. In the olden days you could go into the pub. Within days even, you could become a member of that particular pub club. It wasn’t even necessary to drink alcohol. That form of sociability has dwindled due to people drinking more at home, a direct form of ensuring loneliness. There are so many charity shops and organisations crying out for supporters. When I suggested to a lady who was complaining about how lonely she was that she joined one of these organisations, if only for two or three hours a week, the response was “ No, I couldn’t do that”.
Then there are many clubs and social groups that you could join. In Britain, The Good Companions clubs hold regular, sometimes daily in some areas, meetings and they even send coaches round to collect members who have mobility problems. The Women’s Institute is an international organisation that have meetings, events, book clubs, lunches, all sorts of social gatherings. If you really don’t want to be a joiner then there are night schools. With all these opportunities to alleviate loneliness, what more can be done? Even libraries, former bastions of enforced silence, now have groups, film clubs, talks by writers and poets. It does not matter what is put in place to alleviate loneliness, nothing will work unless people will take advantage of the opportunities to make new friends and enjoy new experiences.